wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
