'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
