the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize