As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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