somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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