Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
