i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
