onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
