Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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