She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We named our party play list daddy issues
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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