You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Holy sore nipples Batman
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
