my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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