Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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