Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
