We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
