It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
