Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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