Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
