Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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