Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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