Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
