He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
two words: eviction party
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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