I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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