you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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