This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
