You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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