I'm going to jail i love you
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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