Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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