Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
