He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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