Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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