she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
