she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
