yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
