you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
