my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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