after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
