I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
