I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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