sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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