Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
