I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
