i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
