You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
