did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
