rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
