Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
