I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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