my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
