I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
