You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
