you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
