She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
