Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
