If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
