i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
