my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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