Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
