I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
