So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You left your phone here
Wait...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
