I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
