This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
