It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
