pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
