you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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