god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
