U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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