if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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