how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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