note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
