apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you mean i was at the winter classic?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
