Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
