I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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