honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
