he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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