The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
