This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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