Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
