I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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