I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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