"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
